No News.. Is Really No News..

I was away from work for almost 2 months (2nd Jul to 31st Aug). A friend mailed me saying .. "Hey long time !! Wazzup ?? Hope No News is Good News.."

Well No News..is really No News !! I am slowly getting back in2 my "working" groove. I am working for the same client for almost 5 yrs now.. & the work out here isn't that challenging (not that I look for challenges!) , just routine Application Support kind of stuff. One can really sleepwalk through the work that I do. So far as work is concerned, it was not really that hard to pick up from where I left.

On personal front too, I have got back in2 my "drifting" groove. I am really appalled at the ease with which I have accepted the loss of my father. I guess it has got something to do with my age. At 32,one becomes mature enuff (or maybe insensitive enuff) to accept the harsh realities of life & accept death as a part n parcel of life. Besides that I have been away from my folks for past 5 yrs, so in a way we have gotten used to not being there,"physically", for each other. This longish separation has kinda made it easier for me to come to terms with this loss. Dad passed away on 2nd Aug-2005 , he was 69.

I am trying to stop any guilt creeping into my mind, but deep down I know that I failed in my duties as a son by not being there in last few years of his life. I was too busy drifting in my life for past 3/4 years. Although the thought of my dad's mortality did cross my mind..But i never thought the end would happen so swiftly. Or maybe I fooled myself in believing that I had enuff time on my hand to regain focus of my life & that somehow I could makeup for the lost time with him.

My dad (like me) was also of the silent type. We had healthy respect n love towards each other,though we never expressed it in plain words. I guess in some relationships you don't really have to say the words. In that sense we had an old fashioned father-son relationship. No Hindi movie style back slapping or hugging or any overtly symbolic gestures for us. But sometimes I do wish we had a relationship like that. Alas that would never be the case now that he is gone.

He was, by no means, a strict parent. Infact he never ever hit me or my sis anytime, not even once. All of the spanking was done by my mom.More or less we had been quite obedient siblings. I don't have any memories of having any fights with my sister either.Just remember this one instance when we had fought over Diwali Crackers & I don't even remember the juicy details,so I can safely say that it was quite a minor,not so memorable, spat between siblings.Life was quite uneventful then.. Even now life continues to be quite uneventful.

Life is just a never ending chain of weekends thesedays. There isn't much happening in my life. No News is Really No News..Life is very much the same,except that my Dad isn't around anymore to have dreams about me. Dreams about seeing his son married.. Dreams about seeing his son settled in life..Dreams about seeing his son cured of arthritis.

Although Dad never said this openly..but he had these simple dreams about me. If only I was focused enuff in my life,I could have made those dream come true while he was still alive.