For someone who is still on the active & optimistic side of 30s, i lead a very sedentary & monogamous life. Not that i would want my days(& nights) to unfold any differently. But still, at times, a small voice inside me keeps nudging quietly, begging me to get out of the predictable rut. "Get a life.." (the small voice pleads) , most of the times I turn a deaf ear and let the voice die a slow natural death. Sometimes though, the little voice wins. Last saturday was one such day.
The monogamous streak of my persona , extends to my eating habits as well. For almost 3 months now, I have been frequenting a small non-decrepit joint on weekends. Not many people are aware of its existence. Its clientele is solely developed on word-of-mouth publicity. I have been eating the same spread of : Baturaa, Daal , Sabzee & Paalak Pakoda for past God-Only-Knows-How-Many-Saturdays.
These days, I just need to show my sullen face to the genial Sardarji (the owner of the eatery), not a word needs to be spoken. After the terse exchange of non-verbal pleasantries, I dutifully take my "regular" seat which, much to my liking, faces a blank gray wall. On couple of occasions I was tempted to change my order & eat something different. But that would have broken our (long established) channel of silent communication. There are two things I would rather NOT do :
Nbr 1 > TALK..
Some people are born without the gift of gab, You either have “it” or you don't have. Unfortunately for me, the later holds true & I have made peace with this handicap of mine. I do not forcefully try to cover up this inadequacy or improve upon it in any ways. I speak only when it is absolutely necessary.
Nbr 2> SMILE..
Since long, I have lost the mobility of the facial muscles which help a person to break into a smile. I feel revolted at the sight of my own artificial constipated smile. I prefer keeping a straight face rather than greeting someone with my choleric smile, If the smile doesn’t come from within then so be it, I am not going to fake it.
Coming back to my Saturday afternoon exploits, normally , after finishing the hearty meal i head back home & indulge in mid afternoon nap. Instead of heading back home, I decided to break the routine. Since long, I had envied those folks who are seen in public places ( park benches, beaches, swimming pools) with their head buried deeply in some book, oblivious to the world around them. It strikes to me as, something very meditative & peaceful thing to do amidst the chaos that usually surrounds us. My reading is mostly confined to the 4 walls of my home. This year though, I have resolved to take my reading beyond the confines of my bedroom.
Today, I decided to check out the exotic setting of Fort Canning Park to catch up on Shalimar-The Clown. This park sits atop a small hillock overlooking the meandering Sg'pore river. It was 2 O'Clock in the noon and the park was almost deserted except for few laborers in their fluorescent garbs busy doing landscaping work. At that odd hour, almost all the benches were empty. I had the luxury of picking & choosing. Settled for a bench which had generous shade from overhanging branches. Took deep breath to soak the clean air, could feel a deep sense of calm seeping in my veins as i started flipping the pages. Not even half way through the 2nd page, I felt something creeping up on my feet. Set the book aside to examine my feet. A busy group of red ants had taken fancy to my toes and I was being treated to a very holistic & natural form of acupuncture. I kicked away my floaters with annoyance and flicked the pesky crawlers. A close inspection of the ground beneath the bench revealed that i was sitting atop a very active colony of ants. It had rained for most of last week & sun was out after a very long hiatus. So like us humans, the ants too wanted to enjoy the warmth and were out in full force.
I decided to deal with the situation in a non-violent way, very magnamously i surrendered the territory to them & shifted base to another bench . It didn't offer much protection from the sun but atleast it was ants free. Resumed my reading. The peace didn't last long though. Some weird sounding insect started to screech with all its might. The notion of meditative & romantic setting was fast dissolving under the cacophony of various sounds from the insect kingdom.
Meanwhile, the combined effect of heavy meal & mid-afternoon sun had started to lull my senses. The need to stretch down on all fours was very intense. I kicked my footwear again.Using my backpack as pillow, i rested my back on the hard wooden bench. First thought that crossed my mind after lying down : What if I fall asleep deeply and somebody steals my chappals ?? This is a typical middle class thought i guess. Why on earth would anyone want to steal my dirty footwear ? No logic there, I am programmed to worry over inane matters. I can worry about any damn thing in the world. Every night i get worried that the gas burners haven't been shut off properly, the main door hasn't been locked etc etc. Amost every other night i wearily drag myself out of bed to silence these impotent worries.
[ Cuting back to the park bench. ]
Resting the book on my chest I closed my eyes for a while. My ears pick up bits of conversation drifting from tourist who are on a mid-afternoon stroll. I suddenly become conscious of my awkward supine body as the voices come closer. I try to cut a graceful pose, but its difficult to look graceful with two spindly little legs sticking up in air over an armrest. I peer thru my eyes pretending to be blissfully asleep. Most of the strollers are couples, they politely slip into low whispering tones as they pass me,lest they wake me up.
Finally i got tired of my uncomfortable stakeout. I started fantasizing the comforts of my bed , the softness of my big fat pillow, the familiarity of the 4 walls of my bedroom beckoned me. I got up quickly. First thing i did was to strap the chappals safely to my feet once again. Put the novel in backpack. Streched & cheerfully descended the hill to return to home sweet home.
Lesson learnt : Parks & reading don't mix that well. Maybe next time I will try some cool beach or perhaps a chair by the poolside to catch up on my reading. As of now, I am happy with the boring indoors .
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Monday, December 19, 2005
Silhouette Mosque
Couldn't find any vantage point to shoot this Mosque in its full splendor. Fading light came to my rescue. A dash of color in the sky could have worked wonders.. but the evening light wasn't flattering enough. "Light" is the single most important element which can make or mar a pic . We are truly at the mercy of the "elements".
This Way Up
The moment I looked up this house.. I knew what I was gonna call this pic.. Although the "Arrow Pointing Upwards" effect hasn't come out that well.. I think with a lil bit of cropping..I cud still do some justice to the title.But I don't like to tinker with my pics.. What U see.. is what U get.
Monday, September 05, 2005
No News.. Is Really No News..
I was away from work for almost 2 months (2nd Jul to 31st Aug). A friend mailed me saying .. "Hey long time !! Wazzup ?? Hope No News is Good News.."
Well No News..is really No News !! I am slowly getting back in2 my "working" groove. I am working for the same client for almost 5 yrs now.. & the work out here isn't that challenging (not that I look for challenges!) , just routine Application Support kind of stuff. One can really sleepwalk through the work that I do. So far as work is concerned, it was not really that hard to pick up from where I left.
On personal front too, I have got back in2 my "drifting" groove. I am really appalled at the ease with which I have accepted the loss of my father. I guess it has got something to do with my age. At 32,one becomes mature enuff (or maybe insensitive enuff) to accept the harsh realities of life & accept death as a part n parcel of life. Besides that I have been away from my folks for past 5 yrs, so in a way we have gotten used to not being there,"physically", for each other. This longish separation has kinda made it easier for me to come to terms with this loss. Dad passed away on 2nd Aug-2005 , he was 69.
I am trying to stop any guilt creeping into my mind, but deep down I know that I failed in my duties as a son by not being there in last few years of his life. I was too busy drifting in my life for past 3/4 years. Although the thought of my dad's mortality did cross my mind..But i never thought the end would happen so swiftly. Or maybe I fooled myself in believing that I had enuff time on my hand to regain focus of my life & that somehow I could makeup for the lost time with him.
My dad (like me) was also of the silent type. We had healthy respect n love towards each other,though we never expressed it in plain words. I guess in some relationships you don't really have to say the words. In that sense we had an old fashioned father-son relationship. No Hindi movie style back slapping or hugging or any overtly symbolic gestures for us. But sometimes I do wish we had a relationship like that. Alas that would never be the case now that he is gone.
He was, by no means, a strict parent. Infact he never ever hit me or my sis anytime, not even once. All of the spanking was done by my mom.More or less we had been quite obedient siblings. I don't have any memories of having any fights with my sister either.Just remember this one instance when we had fought over Diwali Crackers & I don't even remember the juicy details,so I can safely say that it was quite a minor,not so memorable, spat between siblings.Life was quite uneventful then.. Even now life continues to be quite uneventful.
Life is just a never ending chain of weekends thesedays. There isn't much happening in my life. No News is Really No News..Life is very much the same,except that my Dad isn't around anymore to have dreams about me. Dreams about seeing his son married.. Dreams about seeing his son settled in life..Dreams about seeing his son cured of arthritis.
Although Dad never said this openly..but he had these simple dreams about me. If only I was focused enuff in my life,I could have made those dream come true while he was still alive.
Well No News..is really No News !! I am slowly getting back in2 my "working" groove. I am working for the same client for almost 5 yrs now.. & the work out here isn't that challenging (not that I look for challenges!) , just routine Application Support kind of stuff. One can really sleepwalk through the work that I do. So far as work is concerned, it was not really that hard to pick up from where I left.
On personal front too, I have got back in2 my "drifting" groove. I am really appalled at the ease with which I have accepted the loss of my father. I guess it has got something to do with my age. At 32,one becomes mature enuff (or maybe insensitive enuff) to accept the harsh realities of life & accept death as a part n parcel of life. Besides that I have been away from my folks for past 5 yrs, so in a way we have gotten used to not being there,"physically", for each other. This longish separation has kinda made it easier for me to come to terms with this loss. Dad passed away on 2nd Aug-2005 , he was 69.
I am trying to stop any guilt creeping into my mind, but deep down I know that I failed in my duties as a son by not being there in last few years of his life. I was too busy drifting in my life for past 3/4 years. Although the thought of my dad's mortality did cross my mind..But i never thought the end would happen so swiftly. Or maybe I fooled myself in believing that I had enuff time on my hand to regain focus of my life & that somehow I could makeup for the lost time with him.
My dad (like me) was also of the silent type. We had healthy respect n love towards each other,though we never expressed it in plain words. I guess in some relationships you don't really have to say the words. In that sense we had an old fashioned father-son relationship. No Hindi movie style back slapping or hugging or any overtly symbolic gestures for us. But sometimes I do wish we had a relationship like that. Alas that would never be the case now that he is gone.
He was, by no means, a strict parent. Infact he never ever hit me or my sis anytime, not even once. All of the spanking was done by my mom.More or less we had been quite obedient siblings. I don't have any memories of having any fights with my sister either.Just remember this one instance when we had fought over Diwali Crackers & I don't even remember the juicy details,so I can safely say that it was quite a minor,not so memorable, spat between siblings.Life was quite uneventful then.. Even now life continues to be quite uneventful.
Life is just a never ending chain of weekends thesedays. There isn't much happening in my life. No News is Really No News..Life is very much the same,except that my Dad isn't around anymore to have dreams about me. Dreams about seeing his son married.. Dreams about seeing his son settled in life..Dreams about seeing his son cured of arthritis.
Although Dad never said this openly..but he had these simple dreams about me. If only I was focused enuff in my life,I could have made those dream come true while he was still alive.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
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