Streetscapes

Blues

Crickey Crickey Bang Bang

"Bang-Bang-Bang. Twenty-20 cricket is like sex, without any foreplay".
- (musings at 4 O'clock in the morning. Insomnia rules)

Aye Ganpat - 'Chal Daaru Laa'

"Bad luck ?
It floats around, has to land on somebody. Say a storm comes through, some folks sit in their living room & enjoy the rains. The house next door gets torn out of the ground & smashes flat. It was my turn, I was in the path of tornado." (Shawshank Redemption)

Okay, It wasn't so dramatic. There was no tornado. No house got uprooted. But yes, there was bad luck, and more importantly, there was me - in close proximity of bad luck.

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There is this cardinal rule about men's dressing - 'black doesn't mixes with white'. Those with religious bent of mind would recollect the un-written 11th commandment:

"Thou shall not wear white shirt on black trousers"

I violated this rule & got promptly punished.

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It's a typical weekday morning, I curse and drag myself out of bed. After a quick shower, with towel wrapped around my waist, I find myself inspecting my wardrobe. It's a not a pretty sight. Crumpled shirts and ill-fitting trousers hanging dejectedly on assorted hangers. I scan through my collection of trousers. To call it a collection would be a joke, coz this collection of mine consists of a sum total of 3 pairs of trousers:

1> Dark chocolate(y) brown

2> Light brown

3> Khaki brown

Minimalistic is the buzz word. All 3 trousers are crumpled and worn beyond redemption. It's been almost 2 months since they saw the innards of a washing machine. In a state of panic, I turn to my collection of jeans, which again is, Minimalistic. Two pairs of blue and one pair of black. I look at the black jeans with hope & trepidation. From a distance it can pass off as a black formal office trouser. I decide to stretch my luck. I settle for black jeans with an off-white (whatever that means) striped long-sleeved shirt.

The thing with long-sleeves shirt and me is that, I always find the sleeves bit too loose around my wrists. I have very slender feminine wrists (to go with my delectably soft hands). My wrists, make it almost impossible for me to wear men's wrist watch (or for that matter even women's wrist watch). Seven years back I stopped wearing wrist watches altogether (much to the disappointment of my mum). She use to look at my bare wrist and feel sorry for me. Which mum doesn't like to see her grown up son sporting a manly wrist watch ? My mum is no exception. Okay, I digressed enough. So you get the picture (slender bare wrists, loose ill-fitting off-white shirt, rolled up sleeves, black jeans).

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It's evening, I am now at Saravana Bhavan (the friendly neighbourhood South-Indian eatery) . Standing at the cashier's table I ponder over my order. (Much earlier) the day in office had gone off uneventfully. As always, nobody had the time or inclination to notice me (or my black jeans). At Sarvana Bhavan, you need to place your order at the cashier & pay-up in advance. They, then give you a plastic token number which you place strategically on your table, and wait. I order one 'appam' and coffee. Just then, my eyes wander to the tantalizing array of sweets on display right next to the cashier. Predictably, I give in to my temptation. To gratify my sweet tooth, I order one Baadushaa. The dessert is handed immediately at the counter on a small steel plate. I pick up tissues, spoon & fork from the self-service cutlery counter and then : Tragedy strikes (Tornado, House, Path, Badluck, Me..... Remember ?).

With tissues, spoon-fork in one hand, a steel plate with the sweet in other hand I start walking precariously, looking for an empty table. As I walk past few tables, I notice a guy with his ear glued to cell phone, looking at me. For few tiny seconds my eyes lock with his and I know from that moment onwards I am doomed. Still talking animatedly on his cell, he raises his free hand and signals me. This isn't any friendly 'hey there buddy' kind of waving of hand. I know for sure, what's on his mind. I ignore his frenetic calls and continue walking past him. He almost grabs hold of my arm and tries to stop me in my tracks. That does it, I can't take this humiliation anymore. I stop, turn back in my stride and shout on top of my voice :

"I am not the friggin' Waaaaiteeeeerrrrrrr"

My words float gently in the air (for what seems like an eternity). The ripples carry across the length and breadth of the restaurant. A hushed silence descends. The tension is palpable. The cell-phone guy lies stunned & frozen. In a reflex action he disconnects the phone and starts apologizing profusely. I don't need an apology (if anything, i should be thanking him for gifting me with a blog-worthy anecdote). I brush him aside and make my way past few more stunned diners and find an empty table. Sometime later, as the 'real' waiter comes with appam and coffee, I realize my folly. The dress code for waiters, in Saravana Bhavan, is same as mine. White shirt & black trousers. It was a classic case of me being at the wrong place, at the wrong time, in wrong attire.

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p.s. : song of the week

Aye Ganpat, Chal Daaru La..

Ice Chala, Soda Kam, Thoda Paani Mila..

Thoda Table Veble Saaf Kar De Na Yaar..

Aye Ganpat, Ganpat..

Life is a bitch, Tag of 8 and everything in-between

Punds tagged me to write 8 random facts about me, and i promptly complied. I was mighty depressed after finishing the tag (woh bhuli daastaan , loh phir yaad aa gayi & all that crap) . Anyways, a man got to do - what a man got to do. So without further ado, here are 8 randomly hand-picked facts about me :


1> I have rolled Tele-Prompter pages for Shekhar Suman.

I had a very brief stint in fillum industry (more precisely TV industry) for about 6 to 8 months. I use to work for Ken Ghosh ( google him, if you must) . This was much before he ventured into films. Back then he was mostly into music videos, TV ads and song-based countdown shows. He had a team comprising of 2 female assistant directors & one in-house editor. Myself & another friend of mine, we were one rung lower to the assistant directors & editor. Boley toh "assistant ka assistant". In plain simple words I was a glorified filmy Peon. Doing everything and anything in the name of "struggle". So one of my task (during shoots) was to sit next to the teleprompter with script pages, put it on the teleprompter and roll it slowly as Shekhar read the dialogues off the screen.

Before you guys dismiss this as a no-brainer kinda job let me tell you: It's not. It's a delicate job. You need to be in sync with the reader. If you pull the page too fast or too slow then it can mess up the dialogue delivery and you will end up will lots of Gaalis from the actor and the director. I must say, I pulled it off quite competently.

2> I have updated bank-passbook for Ken Ghosh's wife.

Refer point 1. One gets to do all kind of stuff under the name of "struggle". Some of my other duties included :

- Paying telephone/electricity bills. Ordering take-outs for the in-house staff.

- Buying Rubber bands. Ken use to sport a small ponytail (back then) which he use to tie together with rubber band. When he ran out of those, me or my other buddy use to scoot to the nearest dukaan to replenish the stock.

- Carrying the Beta Tape (video) Recorder from studio to shooting locations & back

- Writing down the shooting log. You basically note down the start and the end timing between each 'take' and mark each shot as N.G (No Good) or O.K

- Make connections of the beta recorder to the AVID editing system and keep it up & running for the editor to make the final cut.

- Digitize the shooting tape . Which is basically copy the recorded video material from tape onto the hard disk and segregate the shots.

- Stand and watch the edits

- Carry the edited tape for Beta-Mastering

- Carry the beta-mastered tapes to Star Plus / Zee Offices for them to broadcast

- Give creative inputs for the VJ script for the countdown shows.

- Be on stand-by during shoots to do just about anything and everything

3> My name has appeared in Credits on Star Plus and EL TV (circa 1996/97)

Refer point 1. This was for 2 countdown shows. One hosted by Shekhar Suman and another hosted by Rakshanda Khan. My name use to be listed as assistant editor for one of the shows and as assistant director in another show.

4> I have never hit a boundary during my (brief & eminently forgettable ) amateur cricketing life.

This has to be the biggest regret of my life. Not even once, did the ball hit the middle of my bat and raced to boundary. Never ever. But then I had very limited opportunities being the number 11 batsman in my team. (And) I was too lukkha to garner the strength required to hit a tennis ball hard enough to hit the fence. Okay enuff excuses. I confess, I sucked at cricket. Period.

5> I have been licked by Shoba De's dog

I happened to be at her home in Cuffe Parade for some official work. No, Shobha was not there to offer me nimbu-paani. Her maid & a rabid dog entertained me in her absence.

6> I got 49 marks in Hindi in 10th std.

After all these years, I am still so fucking upset about it.

7> I can float on my back without moving hands or legs

I am so good at this that once while floating in a pool, one guy mistook me for being dead and (almost) dived into pool to save me :)

8> I cannot use a soldering iron.

Which is not such a bad thing, but then, my convocation certificate says I am B.E. (Electronics) from Mumbai University. Strange but true.

P.S. : I have burnt the bridges which took me through point 1,2 & 3. When I look back at that phase of my life.. It seems like, it happened in another lifetime and to another person. It was the happiest phase of my life, but it didn't last long. Life is a bitch.