Bhaag.. Bhaag.. Monday Blues

Watched Delhi Belly. I saw it on a typical Monday evening (7:35pm show). There is nothing more uplifting than chucking work at 6pm DOT on a Monday & heading out for a movie. It's perfect antidote to drive away those dreary Monday blues. What's more, it's easy on the wallet as well. The weekday shows are priced couple of dollars cheaper than the weekend shows & also the crowd is much much less.

Jade Cinema is the lone single screen theater which plays Hindi movies in Singapore. My office is just few blocks away from Jade. After a quick lunch at Subway, I had plenty of time to kill.. so I sneaked out to Jade & booked 2 tickets. The lady at the booking counter politely asked - "Any children ??". I blushed a shade of pink & replied "Not yet !". My coyness didn't impress her any bit. She looked annoyed and raised her voice to tell me in no uncertain terms - "(Bose D.K. !!) the movie is rated R18. Kids not allowed". I realized my folly and quickly reassured her that the tickets are meant for 2 responsible and rapidly aging adults.

It's evening now, I meet my wife & we head for a relaxing early dinner at Mumbai Cafe Xpress. This Indian restaurant is located smack in middle of the Central Business District area. On a weekday, at 6:30 pm it is practically empty. No! make that, it is completely empty. Throughbred desi's never eat dinner until it's well past 9pm. As a proof to this peculiar trait, there is not a single soul in sight. We are their first and only customers for the evening. We get to pick and choose our seats. But good well mannered middle-class folks that we are, we decide to sit at a cramped table for 2 instead of hogging the 4/6 seater tables. Dinner menu is : Bhel Puri , Schezwan Fried Rice & Iced Lemon tea. We eat to strains of "Dil boley Shickdoom ShickDoom" played on the 3/4 wall mounted TV's . The theme of decor is "Bollywood" . The walls are adorned with framed posters of blockbuster movies like "Kaalia", "Swades", "Murder" et al, with a huge blowup of Aishwarya Rai gazing menacingly down at the diners. The walls are painted garish purple. The chairs are garish purple and the menu card (yes, you guessed it right) is garish purple. The kitschy ambiance is perfect to get us in the mood for Bollywood kitsch, that's soon to follow.

Dinner done with, we head to the theater. Much to our surprise, we discover that it's packed to the rafters. Seems like the Monday blues phenomenon has well & truly developed into a full blown pandemic !

Soon the lights go out & the screen lights up. The movie credits fade in with some moody shots of inanimate objects inside a room :

- a spluttering rusty tap
- unwashed dishes
- grimy Chinese takeaway menu stuck next to the phone
- posters of half naked ladies adorning dusty walls

In short : general filth fills up the screen.

With the mood thus set, we get to witness a "first of it's kind" shot in commercial Hindi cinema - A butt crack shot !

Sorry, no other ways to describe it, but just that ! The camera lingers for a few leisurely frames on an unkempt manly butt.

Cut to reality.. Jade theatre..

Right on cue, upon seeing the butt filling up the screen, a lady sitting in row behind us says to her hubby "Kitnaa natural dikhaa rahey hein na sabkuch ?".

Well truth be told, things can't get any more natural than a man's butt cleavage creeping out of boxers while being fast asleep! Till then I had not warmed up to the movie. I was dreading for yet another Hindi comedy movie where the audience and I laugh out of sync. But that one succinct observation from the lady set the mood, it tuned me to the laugh track that everyone was laughing to. From that moment on the rest of the movie was a blast.

So dear wise lady in the back row - Thank You. Thank you for making Delhi Belly doubly enjoyable. Cut.