"Do Diwaane Shahar Mein, Raat Mein Yaa Dopahar Mein,
Aabodaanaa Dhoondhate Hein, Eik Aashiyaanaa Dhoondhate Hein"
Last 4 to 5 weekends have revolved around just 1 activity.
Finding an apartment.
- 2 Bedrooms
- 2 Bathrooms
- Lift Level unit
- Less than 10 mins walking distance from MRT
- Location between Tiong Bahru to Jurong East
- Rent between 1000 to 1400 SGD
That’s what we are hunting for. Come Saturday morning, I wake up at around 8am. Without wasting time to shower or even to comb hair, & still wearing previous nights Chaddi & Tee, I head straight to the neighborhood 7-11 store. I am there to pick "The Straits Times" newspaper. The saturday edition is "Housing Classifieds" special. Back home, seated on sofa with a pen in my hand, I get busy circling the ads which measure up to our criteria. 'N' sits next to me, with laptop & phone in tow, his ears straining to lap up the instructions that I belt out after carving few circles. In my sleep deprived groggy voice, I start barking instructions.
"Blk 527, Bukit Gombak. Can or not" ?? (Yaaawwwn)
He eagerly feeds the Block Nbr & the area code in a local Address Finder website. Within no time we are both peering at the locality map of the advertised apartment.
"Station se nazdeek deekh raha hein. I think Can."
"Chal phir, phone ghumaa."
"Number bol.."
N starts dialing the number. I don't like to make the calls because I am known to be quite terse & unfriendly when it comes to talking. So i delegate the task to N. He has natural customer service oriented flair to his voice. He starts speaking in his uber polished tone :
"Hi my name is N, I am referring to Ur ad in Straits Times for an apartment in Bukit Gombak, Block 527. "
[ **Pause 12 seconds** ]
"We are 3 bachelors. "
[ **Pause 12 seconds** ]
"No, we are not related. We are just friends. "
[ **Pause 12 seconds** ]
"Technically you can say that we are a family of 3 bachelors. "
[ **Pause 12 seconds** ]
"From India. "
[ **Pause 12 seconds** ]
"No problem. I understand. Thank you. "
That’s how the usual conversation goes, with each of the 12 second pauses filled with questions from the opposite end of the telephone line :
"How many person would be staying ?"
"Whether Family, Couple or single person ?"
"What’s your nationality ?"
Depending on the whims & fancies of the owners, we get to hear all kinds of rejections.
"Sorry hoh.. But the owner wants to rent out only for family people."
"Sorry hoh.. Owner doesn't want to rent to Indian nationals."
This time we get rejected on account of us being Indians. Most of the times, we get rejected unceremoniously for being bachelors. The stereotypical image of a bachelor as someone who is : irresponsible, unhygienic, lazy, alcoholic, womanizer & all other evil things rolled into one, is working against us in landing a good apartment. In desperation, we are now thinking of taking reference letter & character certificates from our neighbors & Ex-Current landlords saying -
To Whomsoever It May Concern :-
"This is to certify that Messrs Parikrama & friends are certified bachelors of Indian origins. They are highly domesticated & well behaved. They possess good moral character & impeccable house-keeping skills. They do not engage in any illegal nocturnal activities & are prone to return to their (own) beds before 11pm, that too, with only fluffy pillows for company. Please feel free to entrust your property in their clean, caring & responsible hands."
To supplement the above claims, we are also thinking of taking some pictures of me & my roommates engaged in mundane household chores. One pic with me dressed in apron, cutting vegetables, onions, tomatoes on a chopping board. Another pic will show my roommie mopping the floor. And a 3 rd pic showing 3 of us seated around the dining table, smiling & eating meals together like a close knit family. In short we will paint a picture of total conjugal bliss.
Meanwhile I am also trying to convince my roommate to get one of his female friends to pose as "family", when we go for viewing apartments. We can always borrow a kid from one of our married friends for few hours, just to make the family - "Picture Perfect". If everything else fails, perhaps the day isn't too far when you would see me in a drag queen outfit, trying to con unsuspecting house owners. I have already started practicing my pigeon toed lady like walk. Next pit-stop would be at a Victoria Secret outlet to shop for padded bras & lacy stockings. I have not made up my mind about cup-sizes & strap designs yet. I am still debating whether i should go for pastel shades or stick to classic black. Desperate times call for desperate measures!
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10 comments:
IW aur drag queeen!!!!!! :)))))))
Hahah bro that was totally funtooshi fun! That idea of taking pictures of your friends and you doing chores and household stuff is quite innovative. Maybe you should do that...be honest to the landlord and jus be upfront about your house searches. References might just work....
Goodluck buddy! Loved the read btw, had that i-dubdub zing....to it...
ok..
1) my blog gets updated every 2 weeks at least so i was tellin ya 2 update bro! :)
2) thank u for doing the same.. hehe... the ability 2 transform all tensions n miseries (if i dare say).. to sheer stupid madness n laughter is real cool.. n ths ability.. u possess in ample! terrific read as usual!
3) yeah.. recall my pal lookin 4 an apartment.. well.. this guy's got long hair n wears a typical hyppie look.. but somehow he managed 2 get the best of apartments! and that really surprised all of us! and there are ppl who are jst plain refused a place whn rated bachelors.. yeah.. weird mentality.. not every bach is involved in sex, drugs n rock n roll.. some o us hav 2 be content with only drugs n rock n roll :P
IW ... as drag queen ! that will be some hit !!!! Now you have to find that perfect size for you apart from finding the apartment !!! the photos ! May be you can create a website and send it are referral link to the prospective landlords !
Hilarious !
IW, if only every one can have some laughs at lifes misery like you .. world will become a very noisy place !
loved this ramble ! made me nostalgic !
ROTFL @ some of us hav 2 be content with only drugs n rock n roll - sun4none
That was a good one mate. Thanx for being so patient with my excruciatingly sluggish blogging frequency!
Mr. Lova Lova..
To be quite honest I never get this idubdub thingy that you guys so often associate me with !! Anyways i don't want to loose sleep thinking whether its a good thing or a bad thing, being idubya!
Chetz, how about sharing some of Ur nostalgia with us ? Am glad you found this piece amusing. Thanx mate.
Perhaps you can point landlords to your blog site so they can see what a fine gentleman you are.
BTW, unexplained long absences might lead one to conclude that you returned to your motherland to get hitched ;)
:))) hahaha funny!
Shocked at the racism there...Over here they can't ask your nationality for renting an apartment.
All the best with your house hunting!
IW a drag queen lol, desperate measures indeed!
vi
OOps .. no pastel please .. I detest those extra-feminine colors and ways .. Go for back and flaunt a care-may-devil kinda attitude or if you can manage it . .some cleavage .. that would get you an apartment anywhere in the world .. in a woman's attire!!
A pigeon-toed lady kinda walk is so damn victorian and a passe..
Sigh IW .. I didn't know you were sucha "nice" guy .. ;)
Hehe .. anyways . .this was fun read as usual ..I'm amused and shocked both! Why don't they give apartments to Indians? Btw I prefer the term Indian men-women or whatever .. rather than the 'Desi- this or that'.. so very rampantly used these days.
Hope you find an apartment soon .. :)
Terri,
I guess i will have to think seriously on those lines (of getting hitched) inorder to loose the stigma of being bachelor. That would certainly take care of my housing woes :-) Thanx for dropping by.
Vi,
I ought to clarify that racism isn't so rampant in this part of the world. Its not so much as racism (as in skin color) but the peculiar traits & habits attributed to one particular race. For example, some owners may not like their kitchens to be used extensively. In an Indian household, the kitchen more often than not bears most of the brunt, thanx to the highly elaborate ways of indian cooking (of tadkaa's, pressure cookers et all). Unlike Indians, who quite often prefer home cooked food, most non-indians prefer to eat out at the food courts which are often located right below the housing estates. Even in Mumbai, there are few housing estates where an entire building is occupied by only (say for e.g.) Gujraatis . Thats because they do not want to put up with the aromas of non-veg food wafting from neighbouring households. I know thats taking things to an extreme, but I hope you get I mean!
Another example i can give you is of religious beliefs & rituals. For example, some people may not want altars/idols installed in their houses for it may clash with their own beliefs etc. For this reason, they may want to rent out to someone who share their religious beliefs.
Its these small little things which result in the bias. But again I would like to strongly reiterate that, such people who hold reservations against renting to Indians are in minority.
Thanx for reading through & for your good wishes.
Aria,
Cleavage ??!!
**flutters eyelashes innocently** Woh kyaa hotaa hein ???
Hehehe , Now those are the kind of tips (about colors, cuts etc) that I was looking for. Mebbe one of these days after we finish our English tutions, you would let me raid your wardrobe ;-)
That would spare me precious time wasted in fretting over colors & cool designs :-) I have total faith in your exquiste tastes.
And yes, the pigoen toed walk is indeed a pain in the a#@.. Mebbe i will try the "come hither" kind of careless man-eater kind of prowl (think Paris Hilton). I am sure that would do the trick with the landlords.
Thanx buddy for stopping by.
Parikarma I was going to write a long reply to your reply but lets not get into that and just stick to the fun...loved Aria's comment and your response to Aria's comment lol!
vi
Vi,
Now I am going to have sleepless nights wondering what you would have written in that long reply of yours ?? *sigh*
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