| It's late evening, I come home from work, sweating like a pig & in desperate need of a cold shower. But no, that would mean my daughter would miss 5 whole minutes of playtime with Baba. In no uncertain terms she announces: "Baba.. No bushooo, ok ?" ( babyspeak : bushooo = bath ). Of course, I am well prepared for this, so the negotiations begin.. "No Bushoo, but I will just change into this towel ok ? No bushoo, I promise!" She looks sceptically, but agrees & gives me an inch. I stare at the bathroom door longingly, & think of next move.. " I will do half bushoo ok. ?? Just splash water on my face & wash hands ?? Is that fine ? ". I make it sound like a genuine plea & not some kind of trick. She agrees conditionally. "Ok Baba, but leave the door open.. NO LOCK". Check & mate.. I am losing this battle unless I can think on my feet & outdo her. That's when pure inspiration strikes. I step inside bathroom & make big hooo-haa. "Nihira, LOOOOK there is big big cockroach.. I must catch it quickly, else it will run outside & hide inside your diaper bag !!".. That clinches the deal ( for today at least ), without waiting for her answer, I close the bathroom door firmly shut & to make the lie sound like absolute truth, I make all kinds of violent sounds as if I am battling a real grizzly bear & not some make believe cockroach. As I turn the shower to full blast & bask in my small victory.. I can hear Nihira squealing & making a dash to the living room, bragging to her mum about her Baba's heroics. | ||
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Bathroom Nazi (Junior) - Prequel
Pre-Diwali Cleanup & Gift Ideas
It's morning time & I am rushing through my daily ablutions. As usual, I get interrupted in shower by loud banging on the bathroom door.
"Baba, are you inside ?"
I try my best not to respond to my daughter's prying question & cut down all noise inside the shower.
"Baba.. Baba... I KNOW you are inside.. Baher Gammat aahe ! Quick open door".
I meekly relent and open bathroom door. I ask her in feigned excitement "Kaai Gammat aahe ?"
"Come outside, the Gammat is outside"..
"Ok let me atleast dress up quickly.. Why don't you step outside while I get dressed ?"
"No, I will stay here to help you. Here take this Shirt.. this is nice."
She points to one shirt which is favourite of her, as I had worn it on her birthday. That was in April, now it's October. Yet, each and every day since April, she insists that I wear just that ONE shirt everywhere. I workaround this daily request using one of the several excuses that I have mastered by now & slip into Tee & Trousers of my choice. Not giving me any time to comb my hair , she drags me outside to show something which is tickling her fancy since she woke up.
"Look Baba, the sofa is doing Booshooooo!!"
I look at our bare sofa, which has it's covers removed in run-up to Pre-Diwali cleanup. Kids ! they get excited even at the sight of a bare sofa.. Ofcourse I don't have the innocence of a 2 year old or luxury of time in the morning rush, as the clock ticks past 8:40am, still I let out a gasp of surpise and join her in wonderment at sofa taking bath.
I collect my backpack & am anxious to escape to the childfree world, outside. Alas ! I see Nihira dragging her own trolley backpack. She stops me in my path.
"Baba, I am going office too. Here, help me put on my bag. It's heavy".
I relent again, knowing fully that I have ran out of time & am gonna absolutely positively be late to work. But I help Nihira to strap up her bag. She makes one round circle in our living room & comes to rest, yet again in my path, as I am putting my socks.
"Baba, office finish jhaala.. Help me remove bag"
I am no longer questioning anything, I do as ordered. Give her a quick peck on cheek , both to her and her mom & am ready to to bid bye-bye. Dipali, her mum, is of course around all this while, but doesn't interrupt Nihira from interrupting me, these precious few minutes is all that Nihira is gonna get to spend with her dad in the rushed morning. So Dipali is stepping off the pedal, and allowing Nihira to lay her claim on her 'dad time'. But try telling that as an excuse to your office HR, for turning up late for work 9 out of 10 days. I have tried, and it didn't cut any ice.
"Baba, Aai is doing Diwali clean-up.. We will put up Kandeel on Diwali" .
She continues with her early morning observations & discovery, as I am putting on my shoes. Her mum asks, "Nihira, tell Baba what gift you want for Diwali ??
"Gift ? Baba.. I want a maasse for Diwali..."
" A mask for Diwali ??" , I try to decipher her jumbled-up words.
"No No No, I want a mouse for Diwali !!"
Now it's my turn to smile listening to this new Gammat. Seems like I will be celebrating a cheap, clean & environment friendly Diwali. If any of you happen to spot a tiny little mouse scurrying around your neighbourhood, please ping me. I would do the catching and gift-wrapping myself.
Lost in translation
Gammat : Fun/exciting stuff
Booshoo : Bath
Kandeel : Lantern
"Baba, are you inside ?"
I try my best not to respond to my daughter's prying question & cut down all noise inside the shower.
"Baba.. Baba... I KNOW you are inside.. Baher Gammat aahe ! Quick open door".
I meekly relent and open bathroom door. I ask her in feigned excitement "Kaai Gammat aahe ?"
"Come outside, the Gammat is outside"..
"Ok let me atleast dress up quickly.. Why don't you step outside while I get dressed ?"
"No, I will stay here to help you. Here take this Shirt.. this is nice."
She points to one shirt which is favourite of her, as I had worn it on her birthday. That was in April, now it's October. Yet, each and every day since April, she insists that I wear just that ONE shirt everywhere. I workaround this daily request using one of the several excuses that I have mastered by now & slip into Tee & Trousers of my choice. Not giving me any time to comb my hair , she drags me outside to show something which is tickling her fancy since she woke up.
"Look Baba, the sofa is doing Booshooooo!!"
I look at our bare sofa, which has it's covers removed in run-up to Pre-Diwali cleanup. Kids ! they get excited even at the sight of a bare sofa.. Ofcourse I don't have the innocence of a 2 year old or luxury of time in the morning rush, as the clock ticks past 8:40am, still I let out a gasp of surpise and join her in wonderment at sofa taking bath.
I collect my backpack & am anxious to escape to the childfree world, outside. Alas ! I see Nihira dragging her own trolley backpack. She stops me in my path.
"Baba, I am going office too. Here, help me put on my bag. It's heavy".
I relent again, knowing fully that I have ran out of time & am gonna absolutely positively be late to work. But I help Nihira to strap up her bag. She makes one round circle in our living room & comes to rest, yet again in my path, as I am putting my socks.
"Baba, office finish jhaala.. Help me remove bag"
I am no longer questioning anything, I do as ordered. Give her a quick peck on cheek , both to her and her mom & am ready to to bid bye-bye. Dipali, her mum, is of course around all this while, but doesn't interrupt Nihira from interrupting me, these precious few minutes is all that Nihira is gonna get to spend with her dad in the rushed morning. So Dipali is stepping off the pedal, and allowing Nihira to lay her claim on her 'dad time'. But try telling that as an excuse to your office HR, for turning up late for work 9 out of 10 days. I have tried, and it didn't cut any ice.
"Baba, Aai is doing Diwali clean-up.. We will put up Kandeel on Diwali" .
She continues with her early morning observations & discovery, as I am putting on my shoes. Her mum asks, "Nihira, tell Baba what gift you want for Diwali ??
"Gift ? Baba.. I want a maasse for Diwali..."
" A mask for Diwali ??" , I try to decipher her jumbled-up words.
"No No No, I want a mouse for Diwali !!"
Now it's my turn to smile listening to this new Gammat. Seems like I will be celebrating a cheap, clean & environment friendly Diwali. If any of you happen to spot a tiny little mouse scurrying around your neighbourhood, please ping me. I would do the catching and gift-wrapping myself.
Lost in translation
Gammat : Fun/exciting stuff
Booshoo : Bath
Kandeel : Lantern
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