I am scared to go back to India.
Does that sound bit too far fetched ?? Too dramatic ?? Well, its the truth.Why should I be scared to return to my own home ?? Afterall, I've spent 26Yrs of my life there.. What has changed in just 4 yrs ?? Well to be quite fair..nothing has changed !! or atleast thats what I wud like to believe.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
These days..I,often,wake up in cold sweat,with my heart thumping wildly against my chest.. Can't put my finger down to exactly what I am scared of.Therez a feeling of dis-orientation..not knowing where I am.. or why am Ihere. Its a Nameless,Faceless Fear.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
I wonder,is it really worth to do all the "sacrifices" ?? I know there wud be quite a few raised eyebrows..saying 'Huh ? Wot Sacrifices fella ?'.
Well to be brutally honest..Therez this thing called "Mortality".. Nobody is spared from this TRUTH..Yes, Not even Ur parents.How long can I go fooling myself, that nothing has really changed..everything is fine.. when the harsh reality of life is that..my folks have aged by 4 more yrs.. That means I have 4 less years of being blessed by their presence in my life. And in these 4 years where was I ?? I was far away, in an alien place amongst alien people..Okay, I have a small bank balance to show for these 4 yrs.. But wud this money buy immortality for my parents ??
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
During that confused state of my mind,my thoughts wander..thinking, in some faraway corner of this world, my folks too must be lonely, at this very moment.How are they coping with the **loss** of their son for past 4 years ?? Are they really *alrite* as they claim to be ??
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
My work has driven me out of my homeland. The place/country where I am working isn't bad..In fact its so good.. that in a very short period it has lulled my Senses, has made me Handi-capped.. has Pampered me.. has made me Lazy..has made me Mediocre.There is no everyday struggle to grab that 4th seat of a berth while travelling to work ,There is no humiliation of being pushed & shoved in a rickety train compartment with people packed like sardines.And this is just the tip of the iceberg of the things that await me back in India.
An intangible "Fear-Factor" is holding me, from jumping back into the "CHAOS" that is INDIA.Maybe its just my outlook ,which, has changed in last 4 yrs.I want to go back & be with my folks..I really do..But I am scared.Thats the truth.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
13 comments:
my sincere advice - if ur really worried about ur parents, just go back! we did it and we have absolutely no regrets. the biggest lesson i learnt was that home is truly where the heart is. the fears you have will be brushed away like minor irritants - like mosquitoes banished by a Good Knight coil (do they really work? :D)
Fearfactor is in everything we do,but then the love and compassion u have for u r lovedones will show u the right path,u have u r own ways of dealing with the challenges life offers,hope u take the right decision now also,as friend i can be with u:)
Hi Ano1..
thanx for reminding me of desi mosquitoes :)
Anon..
I am scratching my head about Ur identity..(I think I know who U are!!) Anyways, thanx for Ur re-assuarance :)
Dont scratch u head somuch,do u really know me?guess not:)
:) Ofcourse I know U Anon.. U are a very good friend whoz gonna stick with me in thick or thin !!
To be quite honest, Anon.. I give up..I am not gud at the guessing game :(
ha,so u give up?sure,i thought u will guess very easily:) how r u,r u missing someone for now:)
Hi!
came sauntering by...and this post ws quite poignant...and be sure there are many like u in such a dilemma- it is a very personal decision and one has to resolve it with one's own set of pros and cons, I guess...so take care, and wish you all the best, and happiness in whatever choice you make...
affly
ardra
Hey there Ramchi & Ardra,
Really appreciate Ur words.. I know in the end its me who has to take a stand & live by whatever decisions that I take..
Hope i am able to strike a balance (As Ramchi said) between my happiness & my responsibilities.
Thanx for stopping by :)
Howdee ibluuu...
A big thanx for sharing Ur views..
Its been overdue for quite a while now!!
Yeah I agree when U say.. Fear is the thing which keeps us from "breathing" / "Living"..
hi, This is the first time I have read your Blog. Its good.
Iam new to the blogger community..and I must confess I like the way u write.
Hey there Anon & Revathi.. Thanx for Ur comments.. Looking forward to see U again. though I must confess I don't blog too often..
Do U have blogs of Ur own ?? Wud love to check them out..
fear is bad, its a resistance to the joy.
why so much attachment with parents
it is bad, they should be free from ur attachment
their life should be with u and not the only u right
they should enjoy their life and u should enjoy ur, a call in a week and meeting them once in a year should be sufficient
love is bad when u depend
Post a Comment